Saturday, January 10, 2009

Blurring the Edges of Reality

I slept like a dead thing last night. I didn't hear Jonah get up and ask to go to "Mommy's bed" at 1:00 in the morning. I didn't hear Nathan get up. I was gone.

At some point this morning, Nathan came into the room to get something. I heard him and tried to swim to the surface, but I just couldn't wake up. So I went right into a dream.

In my dream, I heard Nathan come it (that was real) and then he came over to the bed beside me (that was not real. He went to his dresser to get clothes). I really thought I was awake because I knew where I was and what the room looked like and what position I was lying in. He came over to me and pulled back the blankets and put a little, newborn baby next to me and I really, really, really thought it was real. "Here's the baby, honey." he said as if he were just bringing the baby to nurse and snuggle with me. And I was feeling like Oh! How nice! Awww... sweet baby... Can I say again how very real it felt?

And then Nathan said, "And if he fusses, here's his dolly." and he handed me the most butt-ugly, dirty, gross Cabbage Patch doll.

And then I knew that my dream really, really, really was not real.


Wouldn't that be an easy way to get a baby? My husband just hands him to me?

And then, for real, Nathan came over and kissed my cheek, and I knew that but still couldn't wake up, so I kept sleeping.

And tried to forget about the ugly doll. Shudder.


  1. Hmmm, that's strange, I had a dream about a baby last night too, only this baby was like a year and a half....And orphaned... And I had to take care of him cause he was dying from cold so I had to warm him up. And then I warmed him up and he basically snubbed me, "I don't want you any more! I'm warm enough!" (in a toddle voice and in not so many words)

    ...Twas strange...

  2. Lyssa-- Hmmm... maybe your dream has some deep psychic meaning... about... rejection... or not feeling appreciated... or something...

    Mom-- WHATever.