Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Midwestern Buttcrack

(Heh, heh, I'm posting about "buttcracks" two days in a row. Hee, hee, "buttcrack" heh! I'm like an 8 year old boy.)

Since returning home from my beautiful hometown in Oregon, I'm struck more than ever by the fact that I live. in. Michigan. Oy. The Fine People of this state are trying to rise above ridicule by changing their name from "Michigander" to "Michigainian". Make sure you extend you pinkie when you say that. This is the state with the motto of "Great Lakes, Great Times." Huh?? This is the state where everyone has an "eccent" when the speak (say "grhem crecker" quickly and you'll get the idea), but no one will admit to it. This is where if someone asks me to sweep the floor, I don't know whether to get a broom or a vacuum cleaner. Everything anyone ever gives you comes in a "sack" instead of a "bag", even if it's just a birthday card. This is Michigan.

When I was in Oregon I had a great visit with my cousin, Rika, and her husband Jeff (collectively known as "Rikanjeff". Visits with them are always fraught with hilarity. I don't know that I've ever laughed so much in one weekend. Hey, I should do a post about them. Rikanjeff, if you're reading this, consider yourselves warned). They live in California now, but they both grew up in Michigan. They asked where we were living. I tried to describe it, but they hadn't heard of the po-dunk towns around here. I was thouroughly chided when I resorted to "central, just north of the Ohio border." It is a serious misdemeanor among Michiganders to mention Ohio in reference to Michigan.

So I did what everyone from Michigan does. I held up my hand.

See? It looks like the lower peninsula of Michigan. Oh, come on, have some imagination. Really, it does.

So then I could point and show them where we live. (I'll have my cute little assistant demonstrate.)

It occurred to me that if you scrunch up Michigan like this:

(Betcha didn't know Michigan has a front-loader behind it!)

...It kinda looks like a buttcrack. See?

It's a... erm... wrinkly buttcrack.

So, now you all know my deep, dark secret. We live in the Buttcrack of Michigan.


  1. Oh brother. {{wiping tears of laughter}} You are SO disloyal to your state of birth. Your father's heritage. Your grandmother who regularly used her "vacuum sweeper" to clean around the davenport.

    And when you do the hand demo, you need to hold the thumb a little closer to Saginaw.

  2. I don't know what to say right now. Buttcrack of Michigan. The davenport. Saginaw. Holy hilarity, Batman.

    Can you say "reblog?" Yeah, thats right, imitation, the ultimate flattery.

  3. I remember a conversation I had when I first moved to Michigan at the age of twelve. It was with my new math teacher at my new parochial school. He was my future father-in-law, your future grandfather. It was the first time I ever saw the Michigan hand demo when he showed me where his farm was in the "Thumb". I remember it clearly. He was proud to be from The Thumb, born and raised. Yes, people! Michiganders call that area of the state The Thumb!!

    It's curious though, that I have never heard of anyone referring to the Lansing area as "the Palm".

  4. haha... not that funny!