July San Tos'? Wie Bother?

We generally don't use credit cards. They are handy to have for certain things, however, like buying plane tickets. We have a certain card that we use for things that will be reimbursed right away, and we pay the balance every month. This month it had some purchases such as the order for the food co-op that I run, and some supplies that Nathan picked up for the people that he works for.

Yesterday, I went to pay this credit card, so I signed on to the website to pay it online. Instead of my account, I got a message saying that our card may or may not have been jeopardized, so just to be safe, they canceled our account and are sending new cards. "Oh, that's just great." I thought. I've had this happen before and it is such a hassle. Not to say I'm not thankful for fraud protection, because it's saved my bacon a few times, praise God. It's just a hassle. I know, first world problem.

So anyway, I had to consider what I was going to do. For one thing, I knew that I had a food co-op order about to bill that card, and it obviously wouldn't go though. I called the company to give them a new card number for billing. Then I realized that the credit card bill was due on Tuesday, and it's a holiday weekend, and the mail had already come, so chances are, if I mailed the payment, it wouldn't arrive on time. Maybe, maybe not. So I called customer service. After being subjected to a computerized recital of my past months transactions --"yeah, yeah, not what I called for, thankyouverymuchpleaseshutup"-- I finally got a real person... with a strong Indian accent.

I really should have followed my first instinct to "please hang up and try your call again." I always know when I get an India-Indian on the phone I'm going to spend the whole call straining to understand what in hey-diddly he's saying anyway.

Cotton-mouth Customer Service Rep: "Good aptahnoon, how may I hewp jou?"

I explained the situation, asked why happened to my card, and got the same explanation as the computer gave.

Me: "Okay... so if I mail the payment at this point, it might not get there in time. Can I pay over the phone and have the charges waived?"

CMCSR: "Oh, jes, ma'amb, since jou are one ob ouwah bedy best customah wit bedy best pehment histady, I would be habby to do dat por jou today, ma'mab, and we wild not charge jou da fowty-nine ninety-fibe today, ma'amb, since jou were not able to pay online today, ma'amb."

Me: "Okay. Great."

So I gave him the payment information and prepared to go about my day.

CMCSR: "Now ip I could just hab a momment ob jour time today, ma'amb, to tell you about da program enrollment..." And just as if I had already agreed, he launched into a (barely intelligible) description of an income-loss protection program.

Now, I already know that we carry no debt on this card, so not being able to pay the card is the very lowest on my list of crashing-economy-worries. It would be a complete waste of money to enroll in this.

Me: "Look, I'm really not interested in this right now. I don't need it and I don't have time for it. I'm getting ready to go out of town and I'm not going to be able to look into this."

CMCSR: "But, ma'amb, dere is no risk, and it is a tirty-day free triald, and I'll gib you da cancelation numbah rdight now, ma'amb. We will send you de infodmation, and jou can look obah it in jour own timbe, ma'amb, and decide ip dis prograhm is ford jou or not, ma'amb. Jou can cancel any timbe. Now I'll oedly need a mombent ob jour prechious timbe, ma'amb, to enroll jou and I'll send out de infodmation today, ma'amb."

Me: "No, look, I understand that, but I really don't want this right now. My husband would have to make the descision anyway, and..."

CMCRS: "Jes! Jour husbad can read it ford hibself! I'll just get the papehs done now and..."

Me: "Look, I really appreciate your offering this to me, but I do. not. want. this."

Here, he actually started yelling at me! He totally couldn't understand why I wouldn't take a free trial for this! He launched into a completely uninteligible re-explanation of the program, yelling and emphasizing that "Jou can cancel ANYTIMBE ip jou don't want dis prograhmb, ma'amb!"

(Of course, it didn't occur to me to get his name or ask for his supervisor or anything, because, really, I just thought the whole thing was so hilarious! I've never been yelled at by an Indian before! All because I won't buy what he's offering! I'll just add that to my list of thigns I didn't know I needed to experience before I die.)

Me: "I know! But I will forget to cancel! And then I'll waste my money because I don't even want this program!"

CMCSR: "Fide! Fide, ma'amb, I wild respect jour desijion, ma'amb, and will not enroll jou today. Hab a nice day."