Acme

I think I've mentioned here before that I occasionally dabble in web design. I almost can't stand to say it out loud, because, seriously... I'm nobody. Amateur, wannabe, and a serious wimp. Also, I have trouble understanding all things computer. Sad, I know.

And yet, several people have entrusted me with the oportunities over the last year and a half and I've relished them. I've learned so much! It's a great work-at-home sort of gig. I get high on the sense of accomplishment. And yet the frustration makes me want to throw up.

Why do I torture myself?

I have been asking myself that question repeatedly lately.

Sigh.

I actually enjoy it. Mostly. Sometimes. It's so satisfying to see the pixels obey my command. "Go here." I say, and they do it. "Do this" I say, "Stand up!" I say, "Bow to me."

And they say:
"Yes, your majesty, no your majesty,
tell us how low to go, Your Majesty!
Make some more decrees, Your Majesty!
Give us a kick if it please Your Majesty!
Give us a kick if YOU WOULD! Your Majesty..."

Yeah. Something like that.

Or not.

I love the flow of design. It comes to me after much pondering and research, and then BAM! I have to get it out in one big flush of inspiration and then I sit back and admire my creation. And then my rest expands beyond the requisite seventh day. It goes on to eight, nine, forty-seven. I get stuck. I don't know how to polish it. And then the client starts making changes. And I spiral into frustration and agony. I puzzle out the navigation. Structure... how to structure... I plow through pages of CSS and Javascript and JQuery. I pull hair. I cry. Polish. Need polish. How do I find that certain Je Ne Sai Quoi that this particular site needs...?

Eventually, after oh, eons, it works out. I find my way through the mire. And then... I still have the code ahead of me. Yes, from scratch. Because I'm picky (stop throwing things at me!) and too poor for Adobe, too proud for... free WYSIWYG. Trying to make the browsers know what is in my head is riddled with trial and error. Trying to get the browsers to play nice together? Even worse.

Eventually, it gets going... things click into place... like a rubic's cube.

Hm. I don't know how to solve one of those. They frustrate me...

I might be easily frustrated.

See: wimpy, above.

Anyway, then I hit the smooth sailing and it gets fun again. (See: Yes, Your Majesty, above)

It's good for me, right? Not killing, making stronger, and all that. Everyone experiences ups and downs in their work and I need to toughen up.

I currently have no fewer than three websites and two blogs hanging over my head. They're kind of like those big safes in the cartoons that drop unexpectedly from above. Except I can see them... hanging there.... and more or less perilous distances. The blogs are no big deal, two of the websites are just little one pagers (and paid jobs!) and won't be too bad... in theory. But there's this other site... this BIG site... with a cart... And fancy tabbed sections... and I still don't even know what the colors are.

So, if my blog goes un-updated for periods of time... you can figure that I'm laboring away... out in the sunshine pulling weeds.

Because if I can't see my computer, it can't hurt me.