Not My Grandma's Apple Pie

A few days ago, an Amish neighbor of ours was here making a phone call and having trouble reaching the person he was trying to call. This could be due to the fact that the person he was calling was also Amish, thus he also had no phone, thus the phone tag with one of this person's neighbors aaaaand... no connection. (Surprised?) Our poor phoneless phriend was quite annoyed. (Aside: When I suggested that he wouldn't have that problem if he carried a cell phone, he --I kid you not-- rolled his eyes at me. Perhaps I should be slower to point out the obvious.) So he was sitting at the table where we had recently finished supper. Jonah was finishing his drink-- a small glass of Kombucha tea. Our neighbor asked Jonah what he was drinking and smelled it. He noted that it smelled like wine.

(There may have been some shock at the fact that my 3 1/2 year old was drinking this... I'm not saying there was. Oh stop it. Kombucha may have trace ammounts of alcohol, but not enough to hurt anything, especially if I dilute an ounce in water for Jonah and and besides, Kombucha is a healthful drink. It's not any worse than taking a sip of Daddy's beer. Or all that whisky while teething. I mean, uh... The whisky was for me, actually. Really. In any event, I don't make my Kombucha habit generally known. It only serves to cement my weirdness in the eyes of... well, everyone.)

So this started a discussion about alcoholic beverages. Now, I do not know if the Amish around here drink. I have heard third-hand comments referring to "stupid drunken Amish drivebys" and such. But not around here. Maybe the "suburban" Amish down near Shipshewana. I don't know. It depends on the group, I'm sure. Anyway, this neighbor mentioned that someone gave him a jar or "Apple Pie" and he didn't really know what it was --"tasted kinda like beer"-- but he drank it and it was good. Oh, and it involved cinnamon and cider. I had never heard of this. Is it a homebrew of some sort? I wondered to meself. Some fantastic and easy way of fermenting cider? I dearly wanted to know.

Imagine my surprise today when a friend gave me a shot of Apple Pie! I discovered that it is not brewed but rather contains Everclear for a kick. My friend told me her Mom made it and the recipe involves "a six pack of Woodchuck. Drink one bottle. Mix one with some apple cider. Drink another bottle..." as well as apple cider and sugar and cinnamon.

And then I had another shot.

And anosher thot.

And jayme bust one muurrrr....




Not really. I'm a two drink kind of gal, and only one before lunch. Anymore than that and all I can think about is finding a place for a nap. Don't bother taking me to a bar. I'm just no fun.

Eh-hem. All this to say that I discovered a new drink (having heard it first from an Amishman of all people) and it is delicious and I must learn how to make it.

So then I would have to make my way into one of the seedy liquor stores around here and buy a bottle of Everclear because all I have on hand are cheap vodka and brandy. Medicinal purposes, I swear. I only make herbal tinctures, vanilla extract and a kaluah knock-off. And kahluah is very medicinal. Oh, and a kickin' cough syrup of equal parts honey, lemon juice and vodka. I get bad coughs, see.

Anyway, I don't like going into liquor stores. Is there a law that they have to put the bottle into one of those little brown paper bags like the drunks in the movies? I wouldn't be surprised if there were. Have you ever read about the Alcohol Laws of the United States?

This post is getting away from me and now I don't know how to end it. Here, I'll try this:

Apple Pie. It's a Good Thing.