Friday, December 4, 2009

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...

If you get up one cold Advent morning
and decide to spend the day with Christmas music playing,
at the sewing machine making some Christmas gifts,
you'll need the house to be warmed up first.

If you want to warm up the house,
you'll need to do some baking.

If you want to do some baking,
you'll have to find a recipe.

If you look in your cookbook,
you might decide that banana-walnut-chocolate chip muffins sound very yummy.

If you want to make banana muffins,
you'll have to find some bananas.

If you go to the freezer to see if you have any frozen bananas,
you might find the freezer oddly... warm
and running with drippy, icy blood.

If you want to know why the freezer is bloody,
you'll go behind it to discover it's been unplugged.
For several days.

If the freezer is looking like a massacre,
you'll need to clean it out before you put it back to work.

If you consider shutting the door
and pretending you didn't just see that

If you don't want to loose your year's supply of meat,
or at least you don't want to fight with frozen blood everywhere for the next year,
you'll have to clean the freezer.

If you want to clean the freezer,
you'll have to take everything out,
sort out the stuff that's just too far gone,
wipe off the blood,
and pack it into coolers.

If the food is all packed in coolers,
you'll want it to stay cold,
so you'll take it all out to the porch where it's currently 26 degrees.

If the food is taken care of,
you'll spend the next hour spraying rubbing alcohol
and chipping bloody ice
and mopping up bloody water
and wiping out the freezer.

If you do all this work,
you'll suddenly remember that you are currently 9 weeks pregnant
when you get a bad case of the shakes.

If you have the shakes,
you'll call your husband to please come home and finish this job.

If he comes home to finish,
you'll want to do something about those shakes.

And you'll really,

Wish you had made those banana-walnut-chocolate chip muffins.


  1. I hate freezers.

    I had to defrost and clean ours again recently because the door was cracked open for several days and all it contents (it was completely full) were buried under four inches of frost. It was the third time this year I had defrosted it.

    Those muffins sound yummy. Did you ever make them?

  2. No because when I found the bananas they were... black mush in a bag. Very unappetizing.

    But! I had a few bags of thawed berries that needed attention. So we had blueberry muffins. (Yummy, though not quite as satisfying as my original idea.)