I slept like a dead thing last night. I didn't hear Jonah get up and ask to go to "Mommy's bed" at 1:00 in the morning. I didn't hear Nathan get up. I was gone.
At some point this morning, Nathan came into the room to get something. I heard him and tried to swim to the surface, but I just couldn't wake up. So I went right into a dream.
In my dream, I heard Nathan come it (that was real) and then he came over to the bed beside me (that was not real. He went to his dresser to get clothes). I really thought I was awake because I knew where I was and what the room looked like and what position I was lying in. He came over to me and pulled back the blankets and put a little, newborn baby next to me and I really, really, really thought it was real. "Here's the baby, honey." he said as if he were just bringing the baby to nurse and snuggle with me. And I was feeling like Oh! How nice! Awww... sweet baby... Can I say again how very real it felt?
And then Nathan said, "And if he fusses, here's his dolly." and he handed me the most butt-ugly, dirty, gross Cabbage Patch doll.
And then I knew that my dream really, really, really was not real.
Wouldn't that be an easy way to get a baby? My husband just hands him to me?
And then, for real, Nathan came over and kissed my cheek, and I knew that but still couldn't wake up, so I kept sleeping.
And tried to forget about the ugly doll. Shudder.