Middle of the Night Feverish Rant

Not my fever. My child's.

And why am I writing this at the ripe old hour of 1:23 AM? Because I was asleep and then I was awake and then I was asleep and then I was awake and then I was asleep and then I was awake and then I was asleep and then I was awake and NOW I AM AWAKE. And it hurts. But I was asleep. And then he thought there was a spider in his bed and he cried because he wanted his flip-flops but I knew he needed a drink and on the way down to the kitchen he thought there was poop on the stairs and Mommy, would you please tell the construction workers to go away. And how in the hurk do you force a child to drink water, or anything, for that matter? Every sip is agony. I know he will feel so much better the more he drinks and I've tried it with ice and I've tried it with every kind of straw I can find, and I've tried it with honey and I've tried it in fun bottles and I've tried making drinking games and I've tried telling stories and I've tried DRINK THIS NOW OBEY ME DO NOT ARGUE and I've tried Hey, wanna sip of my beer? Popsicles work. But who really needs unearthly doses of high fructose corn syrup when your body is fighting infection? If I want anything better, I have to make it myself but did I mention it's 1:29AM? Watermelon is good. But who wants to cut watermelon and wait around while he eats it when it's the middle of the night, JUST SLAM A GLASS OF WATER, KID, SO WE CAN GO BACK TO BED, HALUCINATION FREE.

Also. There are vicious, blood-sucking beasts coming into my bedroom --and they prefer sleep-deprived blood to sleeping-peacefully blood-- through a defective screen that someone thought was a good idea that only covers half of a window on which you can open the top or the bottom and the screen slides up or down to cover the open part. Except that there's A BIG GAP WHERE THE SCREEN STOPS. Hello? Purpose of a screen is? To keep out the flying beasts. Doesn't work when THERE'S A BIG GAP IN THE MIDDLE. Hello, customer service.

And I'm very, very against giving a kid with a reasonable fever anything to bring it down because I firmly believe that fever is good and it's helping get rid of whatever needs to be gotten rid of, WOULD IT HURRY UP ALREADY. But somewhere in this house, I have a small bottle of children's tylenol. Just in case. Now would be that time.

And I can't find it.

Anywhere.