Five

Five years ago today, we did this:






(On seeing that picture, Jonah said, "That's not Daddy!")


I overheard Nathan saying to someone the other day that it seems like it's been longer than five years. He went on to explain that he doesn't mean the time has dragged, but that this is life now and he's happy and can't imagine (or hardly remember) it being any different.


Oddly enough, I feel the same way. (Aside: last year on our anniversary, my friend D. asked if it felt like four years. I told her no, it felt longer. She said, "That's because you're married to Nathan!") When we got married, I started a new life. So now, life before that, even though it was only a few years ago, seems like a long time ago.

I have this recurring dream (nightmare?) that is always a variation on the same theme: we're not married anymore. It's always a strange reason that only makes sense in the dream (not divorce, of course, and only once was it death) that we're not married. We were, but now we're not, and we're decided if we want to/can get married again. I'm always incredibly sad about it. Once in the dream I was married to someone else and I was very upset about that. I didn't want to be with that guy, I wanted to be with Nathan. Other times in the dream it's just been various other nonsensical reasons. I think I only have this dream during the rough times. Maybe it comes to remind me that I'm very thankful for what I have. (A few days ago I was listening to a couple of acquaintances talk about their husbands and I thought, "Wow, I've really got it good.")

Anyway, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. It's been five great years, and I'm looking forward to many more.