Tuesday, July 13, 2010
It's a beautiful evening outside with the air just cooled by a light sprinkle of rain. Perfect for some garden puttering. Part of me wants to go out and find some little jobs to do among my growing things, but the rest of me is more interested in another particular growing thing. I went out to the garden for a while this morning, and it felt good to connect with my garden for a few minutes, but I found myself very quickly tired.
I look forward to hopefully having some energy again in the near future (energy-- oh, how I miss it!), but for now, I'm also enjoying these sleepy newborn days. These days, where I have nothing more important to do than lie around and nurse and snuggle, are short, I know. Some day soon I'll have to get back to real life. Some day soon I'll have to get back into a routine for our little family. But for now, we're in a state of flux. Baby-gazing flux.
I don't have to think yet about the flow of my day or ordering it according to some predictable schedule. For now I can get lost in getting to know the newest member of our family. I'm just letting him get his days and nights straightened out and get good at nursing (and boy, does he like to practice that!).
There's something about newborns that seems to captivate every person who looks into their little faces. How is it that we could just gaze at a newborn for long periods of time and never grow bored of it? And that's what I get to do for now. Gaze.
In some ways I feel like life is frozen in time, just for me, and just so briefly. My thoughts are completely consumed with this new little person and I can't possibly focus on anything else. But I know that very soon Time will snap his fingers and the spell with be broken and life will resume it's galloping pace. I'll be swept up in it, too, and my little boys will grow up right in front of me.
And that's another thing. Boys. I have boys. Plural. Children. Kids. Boys.
It hasn't quite sunk in yet for me. We've been a one-child family for so long that I don't yet realize what it is to have children instead of a child.
And I love little boys. I love that Jonah has a brother. I love that they're brothers.
Everyone I know seemed to think that we should be having a girl this time, presumable because we have a boy already. Of course I would have been happy either way, but I secretly favored another boy. I like boys.
Do I sound all rosy and hazy and fuzzy and sweet? It's probably hormones. All I'm saying is that this part is good. I may be tired and sore, and the fussing of a tiny baby can be fatiguing. But it's a short time, and this time is good.