Shock and Awwwwww

Yeah, so about that last post. We are in shock.

I mean, wow. What an entrance! Here we're just going about our business-- nailing boards on the house here and there, shoveling manure, digging in the dirt, and giving each other wet willies-- and along comes this baby and says "SURPRIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!"

Blink.

Blink, blink.

Whaaaa...?

I am just so out of this way of thinking. I mean, not to say I never think of babies, --I only practically start to lactate every time I see one (sorry, men)-- I just really try not to. I've learned that it's dangerous. I've been learning a lot about contentment over the last two and a half years.

So it's taking me a while to wrap my mind around this idea. Yesterday, as I struggled to eat my supper without gagging, I thought "Whoa... it's been so long that I don't even remember how to deal with this!" Not that I'm going to complain (well, not much, anyway). Nausea is a good sign, and it could be so much worse, anyway.

I will admit that I have a certain detachment this time. I keep saying, "Lord willing..." and "If..." and such. Miscarriage has never even been on my radar until it happened to me. And now... I think of it. I'm not afraid, I'm not worried-- God is in control. But I think of it. I feel like I can't really make plans yet. Not that that idea is rational-- lack of "plans" wouldn't make it any easier even if something were to happen, and we can't really plan anything anyway. Man proposes, God disposes, etc.

And is it silly of me to tell everyone right away? Oh well. It's so much fun to share it! Why would I keep such a fun secret to myself?

God is very, very good.

There's a fairly amazing element of timing to this as well. For one thing, I haven't done a single thing for my hormones or fertility lately. In the past I've used herbs, supplements, biofeedback and neurolink treatments. In fact, my first two pregnancies came soon after biofeedback sessions. So there was a huge temptation not to give God the glory, but this time, I have no choice but to see it very clearly.

And then there's the dates. I found out about this baby last week, and last week on Friday was the due date two years ago for the baby that we lost. (Silly to remember? I can't help it.) And this baby is due in July, on the very same weekend when my parents and most/all of my siblings will be two hours south of here for a church convention (as opposed to on the other side of the country). Coincidence? I think not.

God is very good, and we are very blessed.