We were the people on the plane that all the other passengers loved to hate. The family with the howling baby and the shrieking toddler on the Flight from Hell. This was the completely stereotypical Flight from Hell which also included a vomit-covered rear lavatory, turbulence, and a frightening landing.
To those passengers who got off that plane and swore never to fly again: my apologies.
To the guy one row up who twitched and scowled every time one of our children commenced howling: bless your mother, for you were a baby once, too.
To the attendant who told me to sit down and put my belt on instead of standing to sooth my irate baby, lest you call the flight deck, even though we were sitting still on the tarmac waiting to be de-iced: look, I get that you were just doing your job, forgive me for snarling at you (but I still think it's a stupid rule). Also, don't ever call me "honey."
To the other attendant who blocked me from entering the front galley and directed me to go back to the rear lavatory (the one with the vomit): couldn't you have just let me do a quick diaper change before the pilot came out? And does the pilot really need a half an hour? Nevermind. Okay, I know you probably didn't know about the state of the other lavatory, but the baby might have been happier with a diaper change.
To the man who got sick in the lavatory: Ugh. I am so sorry. Talk about "Flight from Hell."
To the off-duty pilot who knows what it's like to fly with children and let our toddler play games on your iPhone to distract him: you're awesome.
To the man who was blocked into his window seat for the entire flight by our oldest son who conked out on the floor for the last half of the flight: you're awesome, too.
To the pilots who stuck a landing in high winds with the plane not even level when it touched down: you're really awesome. We tried to stifle our cries of fright.
To Frontier Airlines, who serves warm chocolate chip cookies instead of tiny bags of peanuts: thanks, I really needed that cookie. However, you do know what sugar does to toddlers, right? (Also, reasonable flight times would be a big bonus, know what I mean?)
To my husband, who gave me such a great compliment, "I don't know how you did this by yourself": I'm so thankful you were with me this time.